If You Look Closely
by Enobaria
Summary: "She tried. It was a feeble attempt, but she tried anyway. She had to do something at least, even though it's not what they would consider to be right."


**Author's Note (A/N):** If you like this story, want to criticize it constructively or simply point out any mistakes, please leave a review.

**Rating: **T (due to minor coarse language)

**Words**: 987

**Status: **Complete (One-shot)

**Central Character:** Pansy

**Pairing:** Slight Dransy (Canon)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything from this franchise.

* * *

**If You Look Closely  
**by _Enobaria_

* * *

_"If you look closely you will see that your search is nothing but a search for comfort and security and escape; not a search for understanding, not a search for truth, but rather a search for an evasion and therefore a search for the conquering of all obstacles; after all, all conquering is but substitution, and in substitution there is no understanding." (Jiddu Krishnamurti)_

* * *

She's the girl with the straight, dark hair, light pink lips; long eyelashes that complete the great orbs of hazel eyes so magnificent and hypnotizing and as cliché as this sounds, it doesn't need a great amount of effort to get lost in them...

_If you look closely._

* * *

It also doesn't need a great amount of effort for her to ridicule those _people_ (if they're even considered one) that she feels are inferior to her.

I mean, really, it would be despicable and just plain _embarrassing_ as to even be acquainted with those her kind wouldn't really associate with.

So it's much, much easier to hurl insults. Call them cry-babies; insult their hair, anything.

Truthfully, she's just pretending. She never really _liked_ any of these girls in her house. Crabbe and Goyle were so unnaturally dense that she doubts (just like the rest) the purity of _their_ blood (they're just as bad as _them_).

_Draco._

There's something about him though. Sure, he was sardonic and probably one of the biggest assholes she has ever met. But whatever, he did treat her well, better than the rest of them.

* * *

_year iii._

Christ, she has never been associated with a boy so infuriatingly overreacting. She knows he's just pretending (_like her_) and feigning hurt with that damn arm to attract attention and to get that pathetic giant fired.

"He didn't have to go that god damn far by mocking Potter and by getting his _father_ (pathetic) to kill the [poor] Hippogriff. It was his fucking fault anyway."

She'll never admit any of this. To be honest, it can be noticed that she doesn't find any of this that amusing...

_If you look closely._

So she just goes along with it for the hell of it.

* * *

_Yule Ball_

She accompanies him wearing disgusting, frilly, [hideously] pink robes that she wouldn't dare to even pick, let alone touch. _(Her parents practically forced her into wearing them)_

The jealousy is in her eyes...

_If you look closely._

Because she sees that famous Quidditch Seeker (Krum) with that _Mudblood_, out of all the girls he could have picked.

* * *

_year v._

She becomes a prefect along with Draco. Power, she finally acquires it. Being a prefect plus being on the woman's (_bitch_) good side is a double win for her. She knows what that hag was capable of. Oh, she hears the rumors, of course (this is when it pays to be on top of all the gossip). The blood quills, the abuse, the aftermath of suffering afterwards. Scars, pain, these are things she certainly doesn't wish for and the consequences of disagreeing with her will surely be dire.

Um_bitch_ creates a league called the Inquisitorial Squad, how incredibly stupid. She lets the love-struck Squib in too, what a _lovely _couple they would make.

_She signs up for it anyway._

* * *

_year vi._

She's upset when she discovers from Draco that he might not be coming back for the final year. As much as she hates to admit it, he's one of the few people (if not, the only one) in this damn place that she can stand.

Why can't he just tell her what's wrong? Sure, she likes the rumors and the gossip but Draco, out of all people should know better.

* * *

_year vii._

He doesn't come back, she doesn't expect him to. It still hurts, but in order to survive in this horrendous hellhole, she has to push all of this down.

_They_ would think that having her blood and being a Slytherin with Snape as Headmaster and being associated in a house filled with evil and hatred (which was partly true) would be sheer bliss to the ones like _her_.

She is aware of the _punishments_, much worse than what that woman inflicted on the others just a mere two years ago.

You'd think she's glad...

_If you look closely._

She's _terrified_.

* * *

One day, she feels a sensation so powerful that she thinks she would never feel _this much_ of it.

**Fear.**

She is sceptical and distrustful of everyone and everything, a familiar trait for someone who belongs in the house of Salazar Slytherin. So it's only natural that she felt _fear_ that this boy would not succeed, _fear_ that this god-forsaken world she's stuck in would be even more sinister if this boy continues to exist, _fear_ of what would happen to her future. Fear. Fear. _Fear_.

So she spurts out the words without even a single rational thought, how foolish.

"_What are you waiting for? Someone grab him!"_

It takes a while for to register that it's _her_ voice because it sounds _so far away_. It doesn't even sound like her usual malicious sneer and that taunting smile, which crosses her hard features afterwards. She sounds hysterical and so damn scared.

She is. She would never admit that to anyone, but no one needs to _look closely_ to notice it.

She's not that daft, really. Deep down, she's very aware that the world will be worse if _He_ continues to live. However, safety is her top priority. She will take the side that will keep her and her parents safe. Sometimes, loyalty can only get you so far.

So she doesn't care about the people calling her foul names afterwards. She doesn't care about the wands pointed to her with all of _them_ united (she knows she won't belong now and probably never will anyway after the stunt she just pulled). She tried. It was a feeble attempt, but she tried anyway. She had to do something at least, even though it's not what _they_ would consider to be right.

Let them fight, why should she even bother picking a side? She'll go to whichever side wins. _They_'re oh-so-noble-and-forgiving anyway that she's sure the least that they can do afterwards is to leave her alone.

* * *

She just wanted all of this to stop.

They didn't understand. Very few (if not, no one) ever will.

_If only you had looked closely._


End file.
